Grief affects people of all ages for various reasons. For example, the death of someone we love, the disappearance of who we used to be, the end of a relationship, a job, or even the passing of time. Our usual coping mechanisms may not always work in these situations.
When we grieve the loss of someone many moments can bring us heartbreak, pain, and suffering. We may feel frozen in time or in a daze. We are reminded of our loved one in many ways. Someone’s similar looks/behaviors, a scent, music, or a season can painfully remind us of our loss. The special events and holidays that we have to spend without them can be especially difficult. This past holiday season you may not have been in the mood to celebrate, especially if it was your first holiday season without your loved one. Entering the new year knowing that your loved one won’t share it with you as you battled with gratitude and guilt. There are many times that we would like to talk to our loved one the way we used to and share things about our day. Sometimes, the loss is greater than words can say.
One of the most important things is to be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the space to hurt and cry. Crying is a healthy bodily expression that allows you to release your pain. Crying is perfectly natural. I had a moment of clarity one day while I was wiping my tears in my driveway before entering my home. My goal was not to upset my daughter with my tears. I had been giving her this really great advice about crying being positive, but why would she follow my advice when my behavior was the opposite. I decided to walk into my home with my eyes full of tears. My daughter asked, “Are you okay?” My response was, “Yes I was crying, because I am sad. Clap for me!” I said laughing. I will never forget that moment I honored my pain and I shared it with my daughter without any reservations. Honor your feelings and you will see what a difference it makes in your life.
Recognize that the memories and moments you shared are yours forever. Enjoy them! Laugh when you recall laughing together. Allow yourself time to heal. It will take time, honor your grief, and don’t let anyone rush you. Every individual grieves and heals at their own pace and in their own unique way.
Sharing your grief openly means you are moving into the mourning process, which means you are moving in the right direction. Talk about your loved one with people who will listen and possibly share your grief. Try not to worry about bringing him up, because if they loved him they are already thinking about him just like you. You are not going to remind them he is gone, instead you are going to mourn together. It is a gift you can give yourself and the people who share your grief.
If coping with the loss becomes too difficult seek the support of a support group. If you need more help a mental health professional can assist you in feeling comfortable living your life fully once again. I would be honored to help you cope with the loss of your loved one, so that you can live your new normal. If you need help with your grief issues feel free contact me at (407) 949-2659 today.